Our Live's Ever Changing

I hope everyone had a joyous Christmas.....In our home it was peaceful. That's the goal in a home with Alz. For that I am thankful! Many stopped in for short visits to wish us well for the holidays. That worked well and time was enjoyed by all. It was considered a PERFECT DAY in the world in which we now live.

I'm finding it particularly hard to accept my new life during the Christmas Holidays. On one hand I'm so very grateful that most of "our" family somewhat understand how this ugly disease works and are accommodating so we still can share some time with them.

But I'm feeling this big empty hole inside of me and feel cheated out of this very special time of year. It's the one Holiday I like to get right in the middle of the chaos and hustle and bustle and turn sour faces into smiles and mess with the kids and bake and decorate and lights........... and the Christmas Programs I miss out on...... the Grandchildren so proudly preforming.........And I miss having the mess and noise and chaos in my house Christmas Day............

THAN.........I stop and think.......How selfish of me. TOM loved all these things too. We made quite a team. : ) But those are years gone by and I so miss who we were. Tom remembers back to how it was, the things we've done and enjoys reminiscing. But he doesn't seem to realize that is all missing now in our lives. I guess I do such a good job filling in for him and still doing my part too he doesn't realize the part of him that is gone. He works so hard at being in the present, it takes everything he's got.

This disease just plain stinks......It touches so many people in a very personal way, just by one afflicted person. It's like a thief in the night....as it is stealing the mind of one loved person it is slowly robbing from the life of others. Many are painfully touched by it.

BUT in spite of it all that it has been robbed from us...We must be thankful as we are so blessed by ALL of you that love us and find a way to share a part of you with us. And there are some of you out there, I know, are keeping an eye on us and making sure we are okay. To GOD I say thank you for YOU and to you," special angels" I say a special "thank you" to you too!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

The Day After The Storm.....

I believe we got around thirteen inches of snow before the bottom fell out and the sub zero temps with north wind came in. It was so beautiful watching it snow.

But yesterday wasn't so nice as Tom battled the cold and slowly removed all the snow off the driveway and yard. I kept hot coffee in his cup and whipped up some ginger snaps to go with it as he had to come in often to warm up. Brrrr

The girls found it to be too cold to be out helping DAD so they sat in the window and watched him play in the snow by himself. They would get so excited when they seen him head to the house to warm up because they knew that meant cookies in their tummy. : )

As Tom was finishing up with his plowing our neighbor came over with his truck and plow. : ) Tom said that's OK and had him push the snow banks back further, which made some awesome snow banks for the girls too play on. Tom went over and plowed his mail box out in return.

So last night the wind chills were 40 - 50 below and the thermometer said 25 below this am. The girls made a quick trip out of their morning outing to go potty and are happy to be all snuggled back in bed with Dad where it's all toasty warm.

Snow Headed Our Way

I haven't written lately because we had a chain of small events that sent Tom into a tail spin. That always takes a while to get things back to our calm place. A place where things are considered normal, where I'm June Cleaver and he's Beaver and the girls are his buddies...........

Tom's trapping was short lived. As soon as the cold weather came he pulled all his traps. I'm glad as I worry more when it's that cold and he's in the woods somewhere? He got two beaver, one fisher and two martins total. He tells a different story to others but that's what I calculated. ;-)

Today we prepared for the incoming snow storm. We removed the snow from the roof as it sucks when we wait till it's deep. We use a rake and a ladder so nobody is falling off roofs...just the ladder.....hee hee.....yes he did, but landed in a snow bank....and yes I snickered because up until than he was pretty bossy. That chilled him out.

As we were having coffee during one of our breaks I seen on the calendar that it was the 13th.....We have been together 17 years. When I told him he got goose bumps and was all excited. We don't pay much attention to dates any more but when we remember this one it makes him so happy! : )

We particularly remembered when we were raking the roof how the first winter, Travis wasn't much older than Mitch, Tom had Trav help him rake the snow off the roof. Trav was so mad and Tom thought it was funny how mad Travis was. Than Tom had me get the two of them a cup of coffee and Trav chilled out. Did I get it right Trav?

Sanj and the boy's brought us some movies out in case the storm takes out our dish. Sanj helped me get the snow off the shack as Tom removed the snow by the house with the 4-wheeler. The girls had a blast playing with the boys in the snow banks. We haven't heard a peep out of the girls all evening.

So now we wait for the snow..............................

Trapper "TOM"

Look out..........He's got a trappen' line. An old trapper Tom knew years ago stopped by to give Tom a hand with his memory. Set up a "rig" for a beaver so Tom could use it as a guide to follow. He's helping Tom out with his skinning and stretching too. Tom said " I don't remember anymore" ............ The old guy responded " that's old age Tom" ................ They laughed together..........

Tom is so happy. He's been struggling the last two years trying to remember what he use to do so well. Now he can go trap with confidence and ease. It will probably be short lived as the weather is suppose to be bitter cold. But today he's happy........He's TRAPPEN"

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Tom struggles with things he use to know. He looks to me to tell him how. I don't know! So I feel blessed that this old trapper is willing to help him, and the way he relates to Tom....I'm sure that Alzheimer has touch his life in some way. He knew how to communicate with Tom and you only learn that from being there.

Tom sets up his traps in the house as he struggles to even follow an example in front of him. It takes him about an hour to do up one set that took the old trapper less than five minutes. Even after Tom completes one he takes a break before doing another because the second one is like doing the first. His short term memory is gone so he starts all over.

I'm proud of the way he doesn't give up or let it get him down. And he is so pleased when he accomplishes something....on his own. He tells me...."now let me do this myself. I can do it if I take my time."

Yes I have concerns of Tom being out trapping by himself. We've talked about it. But he is so happy doing it and feels self worth when he brings something home. I think it's called living life. He only goes where he can on a 4-wheeler so his area of travel is limited. There is little he can do on his own and not feel afraid or confused and frustrated. The woods is his comfort zone and trapping is something he loves............................So when he walks out the door.........I pray " God please take care of him"............