(((((((T-I-M-B-E-R)))))))).......

Tom came barreling through the door....... "MOM!!  MOM!!! are you busy?" he asks when he rounds the corner and spots me in the kitchen....

"What do you need Tom?".......... " I have a project for you and me if you want.".......... "okay.... what are WE doing?"......... "I want to mow that path over there further into the woods so I can get to some ash to cut up for fire wood and I need you to cut out a few small trees with your pruning sheers as I mow."

SOUNDS like a harmless project to keep him busy and out of trouble for awhile.......  I picture him clearing big stuff off the path and I clip the new little trees that are starting to grow and than it will be clear for him to run the rider through.....

That's how it DIDN'T go...... it was more like me two steps ahead of him, throwing debre off the path and trying to cut the bigger seedlings with my shears before he ran me and everything else in the path over.......lol

When the trail was cleared he headed back for his chain saw....

He instructed me to put the girls in till the trees were down.  Now I'm wondering what the heck is he cutting down..... fire wood for a little shack stove that he spends NO time in does not require taking down big ash trees........ I THOUGHT he was going after some downed dry trees.

I put the girls in the house and headed back out to see what he was up too.  I remember when he downed a whole grove of cedar to feed the deer one winter and he still hasn't cut all that up...... That was before I knew his brain was broke.

When I got to where he was.. he was looking up at some pretty big trees..... I knew at least one had to come down before I could talk him into NOT taking any more down.....

He was a Heavy Equipment Operator and Logger by trade...... Every once in a blue moon a "big tree" NEEDS to come down.  He spends a lot of time finding the biggest tree and a good reason why it must go down.

After the tree went down without a hitch he was pointing out ALL the others that were going too.  I convinced him to cut up and split this one first, to buy time to protect the rest from going down......

I knew once he started splitting this up he would decide it was too much physical labor for him..... 

Cutting, Splitting, Hauling & Stacking Wood use to be one of our favorite things to do together.  On the way out of the woods I talked about how beautiful the ASH Trees were and what a shame to cut them down just to burn up.....

That gave him the "out" he needed so he said "OK MOM.... I won't cut any more down"

A Helping Hand?

One must keep in mind as I tell this story... Tom PRE-AD was a workaholic and we worked well together no matter what the job we were tackling.  Painting we were good at and fast and clean.  I'd do trim and he rolled.

NOW he not only does not like to do anything that requires physical labor but also doesn't like to step out of his safe haven....... "our woods"

My daughter Sandy, single mom of two boys just bought a house..... She works unforgiving hours and has a short time from closing date to being moved completely in........

She IS one of our main life lines in the world beyond "our life in the woods"....... and she is so good with Tom.

So he said we were going to go help her.....  Monday we packed up our girls and headed over to "paint".  Sandy and I had no expectations as we didn't know how this was going to play out.

The girls ran and played all over the house... loved playing chase up and down the stairs... exploring all the nooks and crannies.  Tom just wanted to start putting the paint on the walls and ceilings. 

She gave him a roller and paint.... I would do the trim so I could keep and eye on him......Sandy said he could not do anything she couldn't fix as it  touched her heart so deep that he wanted to help her......

After we left around 6:00 P. M.  Sandy painted till midnight to fix and finish the rooms Tom attempted to paint.  Next day we were back over and he was amazed at how those rooms turned out.   He has no clue how much she had to do.....

His biggest problem was we couldn't get him to put enough paint on the walls... we even had him do three coats?  "Put lot's of paint on Tom"  she would tell him.  It was a one coat paint over primer.

Now it's a given that day two of anything with Tom is going to just not happen.... Out of his realm for a day he is really messed up the next.  But he insisted we go back.

Sandy knew what day two would be so she put him in a room in the cool basement and gave him a roller and primer to cover HOT PINK...... I joined him as he needs to know where I am and Sandy just needed us out of the way so she could get on with what she needed to do.....

He tried to take some shelves off the walls but said the screws wouldn't come out.....?  and he painted some of the walls and said the rest needed to be painted with a brush...... it was a paneling with groves?

He didn't like this job and said it was a dumb job and went upstairs to see what there was to eat.

My daughter Kelly and her three girls showed up about then to help..... Kelly took the shelves off the wall and grabbed the roller and painted "the impossible" LOL
I finished the trim work.......

When we went upstairs I found Tom washing out kitchen cupboards.... he didn't look happy..... So Kel and I finished that job too while Tom drank coffee.... went out on the porch to smoke and ate everything he could find to scarf down and kept asking... "can we go now?"

This is what Sandy, Kelly and I experienced...... to the rest of the world Tom said he had been gone the last few days helping Sandy get her house ready to move into..... he did most of the painting..... poor little fart didn't have anyone to help her and Kelly came over and all she did was eat and talk...... didn't do anything to help?

I "get it" that most people don't see anything wrong with him but it drives me nutz!  Sandy and Kelly just laugh and say...  "it's okay..... he can't help it..... at least he tries"  LOL

The Deer....

We have two Does that come in to visit... and for a snack.  I sprinkle an ice cream bucket of corn on the ground every evening and they come to the house and tell me if I forget....The wild rabbits, squirrels and birds also get in on it.

One Doe has one fawn....she has delighted us with it's presence on one occasion and right now as I write, the other Doe just brought in her two fawns for the first time......

The deer population is way down from what it use to be in my immediate area... I use to have a good dozen coming in a day weather there was food or not and the fawns would all scamper and play in the yard..... it was exceptionally fun on rainy days...... they would run, chase and splash in the water puddles.......

I have become friends with many of them over the years... unfortunately our area is heavily  hunted...... one year I had to laugh because my deer friends stayed on my property during the whole hunting season.... I couldn't feed them but they seemed to just know...... Someone got mad and reported us that we were feeding the deer and that we had shot one illegally.

We were checked out and of coarse they found nothing.......

The girls love to sit and watch all the critters too..... they really don't know they are critters themselves...... Not just in the windows but they will lay outside by the house and watch the rabbits scamper and play and the Does feed.  Nobody feels threatened .......... my girls are amazing......

So I now get to the picture I took the other day.... I went out with my camera and asked this Doe if I could get a picture to share with you... so she stopped and posed for me......  : )

A Great Day!

T0M decided to start filling in the ruts from the "Bobcat Incident"...... he figured a little at a time... It gave him something to do with a little exercise too......

He borrowed the neighbors home made trailer to pull behind the 4-wheeler... He'd just take his time and go down to the gravel pit and bring back a load of gravel...... eventually  he'll have his ruts filled in..... "wait till I get my hands on some equipment again"... he said with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes......LOL

As he brought a load back I would unload it ....... we'd have a cup of coffee and he'd be off again..... The trailer was small but the gravel was heavy.......I decided to go the next trip with him......we were loaded in no time and on our way back...

 

We were moving along at a pretty good clip.... all of a sudden we heard and felt the trailer let go...... The 4-wheeler sped ahead as it's load lightened with the release of the trailer....... I look back to see the trailer nose down skidding toward us and than coming to a stop right behind us......

We both burst out laughing........ on a bad day I would have jumped off the 4-wheeler and headed for the woods.... but he surprised me and laughed ....

The ball hitch broke on the 4-wheeler...... Just the two bolts that held it on..... So we unloaded our gravel and pushed the trailer to the side of the road till he could get the neighbor and retrieve it..... I had to use the shovel to dig the ball hitch out of the road......

We giggled all the way home about different scenarios like the trailer taking off into the woods or passing us on the road.

We had a GREAT DAY!

Tom had a really bad day after the day I went blueberry picking..... It ended in me and the girls leaving till he calmed down...... So that is why yesterday was so refreshing... to see him laugh at things like he use too.....

The Fox

We have wild raspberry bushes growing everywhere...... the weather was ideal for them this year and there was a bumper crop...... Unfortunately  I don't get the opportunity to go reap the rewards.........

Last evening Tom said he was okay if I were to go pick for awhile.... it usually doesn't last long and he's either hollering to see where I am or he's out looking for me if I am picking off the side of the driveway.....

I never wonder far.. always in hearing distance and even if I am in sight he gets annoyed that he has to get up from his prone position on the bed watching tv to go see where I am..... 

"MOM...You better come in now.... the girls miss you"........ Yah right... it's more like MOM is easier to keep track of in the house... than he only has to holler from the bed to see where I am every 15 minutes... LOL

So I took the 4-wheeler down our driveway, around the corner to pick.... 

It wasn't all that long.... maybe half an hour, I hear the lawn mower start up..... soon I can see Big Red rounding the corner.......

I thought gee whiz ..... He was waving the camera as he approached... He was visibly excited about something.

"Mom... I don't know how to look at the pictures on this thing!  A mother fox and her babies came out of the woods on the path and were playing around.... Than that darn Lilly barked and they ran back in the woods... But it was so cool... you should have seen... the babies were running and jumping all over her.... You really missed it...... they were so cute... running back and forth playing .........."

"Take a breathe dear"....is what came to my mind.  I turned on the camera to see what he got... He was disappointed he didn't get the kits and I had too do some major cropping to get this pick.

A Day Off......

"Mom.... that was the lonnngest day of my life......I really missed you...... I'm glad your home."

I went blueberry picking for the whole day with my sister, daughter and grand daughter.  Tom insisted I go so he could prove to me there was nothing wrong with him..... and he could spend a whole day home with the girls, with out me and be fine........

It was a beautiful day with a nice wind to keep the bugs off...... with the exception of my daughter sitting in a few ant hills...... lol  I don't remember the last time I had so much fun... just joking, laughing, talking, and spending some quiet time while filling our buckets with berries.......

We had two cell phones with but there was no reception in the area we were in..... "a long way from no-where." 

Nine year old Brit & I picked side by side...... She asked me if I would make some blueberry jelly with her...... I said yes of coarse but you need some berries in your bucket to start with..... She was eating raspberries instead of picking blueberries... just like Tom did.

Everyone Tom "talked" to that day noted that Tom "seemed" to do so well on his own..... BUT they weren't at my house the NEXT DAY........ It wasn't good!
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Since Tom's diagnosis... I have read and researched till I was blue in the face.... I have tried many things suggested on how to deal with this horrible disease..... how to talk with him... how to ignore and walk away.... how to "stop... drop.. and roll" when he explodes and than vanish into thin air till he calms....... through trial and much error I figured out how to "pretty much" handle Tom.

There are no two alike so I had to figure out what works with Tom... and accept what is and let go of what was....... it's been the biggest challenge of my life. 

Now I understand from the outside looking in... it "looks like" I just spoil Tom rotten to the core.... and that there is nothing wrong with him and he is just enjoying his skate like........ and I am just ignorant  and blind to the fact that he just has me fooled........

I have been challenged by outsiders who see nothing wrong... he seems normal to them......

SO THEY..... encourage him to do the very things that I convinced him I LOVE doing  ....... so he need not worry about it but just go enjoy doing what he "feels like" doing.

It's called keeping him SAFE in my book and in others it "looks like" I spoil him.

I DO NOT want him in the kitchen... he leaves burners on... he walks away when cooking food... punches hours on the micro wave instead of minutes or seconds.... he leaves the water running in the sink and walks away when attempting to do dishes......

I don't want an air conditioner because.... he opens all the windows... to let air in when it is 90 above with 100% humidity and sleeps with two heavy blankets when its that warm...... I CAN"T Afford The Electricity To Cool The Outside......

I don't want the wood stove hooked up for obvious SAFTY reasons........ AND you earned the RIGHT to drink if you have been tagged with a disease.... doesn't work with Alzheimer's.... You give him alcohol........ you keep him till he is sober.....

BECAUSE HE CAN RUN heavy equipment doesn't mean he should..... It could turn out bad ...... in fact it just usually does.

Because he knows how to TALK TRAPPING doesn't mean he remembers how.......

IF you are going to encourage him to wonder away from our area than YOU TAKE HIM TRAPPING WITH YOU!

Because one of our girls is a hunting breed...... doesn't mean she has to hunt... maybe she just wants to be Ma Ma's Baby and is afraid of loud noises..... and doesn't want to be the recipient of a very large stick to be taught to OBEY!

My point is... if you don't want him than mind your own business and keep your opinions to yourself if you have NO HANDS ON experience with this disease.  You don't know JACK SHIT about nothing and in the end...... The Girls and I Pay for it........

AND NO he did not do well the day I left him to go berry picking.....MY DAY OFF.....

I did do it knowing there would be repercussions but he wanted so bad to show me he COULD do it.... 

Yes he was okay BUT the STRESS of me being gone and the FEAR of something happening to me showed up the next day.....he went down hill all day and ended in an explosion at the end...... the girls and I had to leave till he calmed down........

Blue Berries.....

We've been having good days... we've been having bad days...we've been having up days... we've been having down days.... Some days I like to put him back to bed and start the day over.... some days don't go by fast enough......  some days I wish would never end and AND some days I just wished I could run away...... for a day or two or three.......

Yard work is our main "have to" job ........ Tom has to ride Big Red everyday to keep up with the growing grass..... and talk about filling in the ruts left by the BobCat........
And chase up and down the county road trying to catch the guy who owns the gravel pit out here to see if he would drop a load here.......to fill in his ruts left by the BobCat.....

We discovered the blueberries were ripe and plentiful... He hasn't wanted to pick berries for a few years now.... Before Alz. we enjoyed spending a day picking berries...... we'd both pick a bucket at the same time......

It was a nice day... in the low 70's and a nice wind to keep the deer flies off....We started out mowing grass...... but he wasn't really into it... he would come with Big Red and try to mow the low spots I was mowing with the hand mower......

I tried not to get mad at him as I was trying to get out of his way........I've noticed before that he doesn't think to break if he is going to run me over... he just has a frustrated look on his face like get out of my way........

We stopped for a cup of coffee and he said let's go pick blueberries......I said okay let's go.... as I was grabbing ice cream pails, bug dope, water for the girls (dogs), pop and coffee for us, my purse..... him and the girls were waiting in the van.........

The best spot for picking was an hour away.... we stopped for gas in this little town we had to drive through ....... my daughter lives there and many people know me ....

So I told the guy where we were headed and nobody knew where we were.... we don't have a cell phone so if we come up missing he was the only person who knew where we were........(in case we broke down)......... I also used my visa so to leave a trail where we were last which would lead to this guy and he knew where we were......

We get to the  blue berry patch and it was like a sea of blue..... I love to pick berries because you can just loose yourself in thought or not but it's just so peaceful.....quiet...... the birds singing... nice breeze blowing.......

"MOM!.....MOM!....where are you?"........ Right here Tom...what's the matter?"......" Nothing Mom... I just need to know where you are."......... MOM!... MOM!..... where are you?"........ "I'm right here Tom...why don't you pick by me so you can see me."............. "MOM! are we done now?"..... I look in his bucket...."Tom? where are you berries?"........ "I was hungry so I ate them."

I don't think we were there an hour but I did manage to pick a half a bucket and he had less than a quarter bucket......he wanted to go and so I thanked God for the time we got to spend out there..for the good weather and for the berries and that Tom was having a good day..........

The girls had a blast too just tearing around, exploring new territory........it was fun to get out and about and have him in such a good mood for a change......even for a short time.

4th of July Weekend

Our 4th of July...........?

When ever there is an occasion / celebration of any kind I prepare for "come what may"........

Tom is unpredictable now as to where I don't know .......... Friday I invited Lisa (oldest daughter & grandson) Oliver over for the day....... She lives out of town and I haven't seen the baby since Easter and also Sandy & boys........once again I rarely have the pleasure.

Tom fell in love with Oliver and enjoyed the day with them all.... Our girls (dogs) were great with the baby which helped and we kept the atmosphere calm and quiet.

We all seen the signs when Tom had enough and they made their exit........ which was planned. 

The rest of the week end ?????  Well it was "hot & humid" and Tom was bored......

Holidays have become more of a stress than an enjoyable time ........ Tom doesn't like to be around a bunch of people but yearns to be a part of it all at the same time........

The BobCat Continued.......

Now we have had some monsoon  rains since Tom sunk the CAT.......none the less the CAT had to come out.... So THE OWNER of the Cat & Helper came with a Bigger Cat...... as in Bull Dozer.....

After scouting and deep discussion over which was the best way to remove it from this sink hole it was in......... with the least amount of damage....... they had a plan.......

AS they executed their plan, I watched a little nervous ............ But in the end was pleased with the way it all went down.....

 Soon the Big Cat and Little Cat were on there way down the driveway to a much more useful life than a yard ornament with flowers.

Tom decided to work on his tan the rest of the day and stay out of my hair while I cleaned house from the week end of being lazy.....

I thought he was watching the girls and maybe he was watching them play....... in the mud hole left from where the CAT once sat.....

Sarah & Lilly knew they were in trouble with me... as I stepped outside Sarah hid in the grass and Lilly sunk deeper in the hole to hide..........

AFTER...... they shook their muddy water all over the patio door and screen...... I decided I had better give them a dip in the kiddie pool before they entered the house.....

Tom lay and watched as I struggled to drag them in the pool and rinse them off...... he said nothing.... just watched......???????

He may want to sleep with one eye open tonight........ LOL

He Sunk The BobCat.....

Oh MY GOODNESS....... That's not what I really said.... it was more like #*%&*^%$@@$^&* is wrong with people...... his brain is BROKE!!!!!

If a child wanted to play with a loaded gun would you let them???? After all they now how to shoot it.........

I watched him come down the driveway... across the yard to the back yard... 

directly to the spot where he has gotten the lawn mower stuck every time he has mowed there...... and proceeded to sink it down to its belly in mud..... it would sink deeper but the belly of the thing is holding it up.......

"MOM!!!!  I didn't do anything wrong... it just sunk!"....... that was his story and he is sticking to it. 

I thought it would make a nice planter.........