April 4th.... Easter?

Sunday is Easter......Eleven years ago on Easter Sunday Tom and I took our wedding vows...

Each year following he could only remember our anniversary was Easter..... My first clue something was wrong as he never forgot a date or details of any event.

Well this year he will be right.....
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4/5/10 

Easter Weekend was better than I dared to hope for...... I EXPECTED nothing therefore feel BLESSED ...........

Tom who is unstable and totally unpredictable was BETTER than I dared to hope for......... I got to spend some time with my Mom..... with my three granddaughters I haven't seen for a really long time....... and of coarse there mother : ) ...... my son.... and my oldest daughter, her husband and 6 month old baby Oliver......

It was a short time BUT it was CHERISHED time...time most people take for granted.... like time is theirs... to waste or use the way they want...... nobody..... even I did not realize "time" is a gift.   and I was blessed with that gift this Easter week end.

I see more and more how God had my life planned out...... I'm glad I listened...... When we were looking for land to build on....... this was the LAST area we were interested in.  Circumstances brought us to this land....... near my sister and her husband........ the reason I am able to "spend time" my family at all.

Tom gave it a shot on Saturday.... he worked all week on himself to give me this.... Than Sunday would be all ours....... Our Anniversary.  My gift to him was to not ask for any more time than Saturday......

You must understand how much Tom LOVES all these people and they love him and miss him also....... This disease touches "everyone" in a personal way.

All I asked for was to spend time with my new grandson....he is now 6 months old.  His Mom and Dad came up mostly for that reason....It's a 5 hour drive......

Tom loved the baby.... they didn't arrive till 2 pm..... and were not spending the night with us as we all know that would be way beyond Tom's capability to handle that.

Basically Tom's brain mis -translated what was being said and everyone left.  It was a plan we had in place so no hurt feelings and total understanding that it's the disease.....

That is why I am writing this.  NOT to discredit Tom or for sympathy but to educate those fortunate not to be touched by this disease and or may face it in the future.

Hopefully I can bring insight into what it is really like for us.

Yes "US" ........ Us is Tom.. Me... and anyone that loves us and wants to share their lives with us..... Alzheimer's  steals it away from all of us. 

My 8 year old granddaughter asked... "Where is Grampa?"..... " He's at home honey".... "Is he okay by himself? "...... "For a little while"...... "Is he in a bad mood?".....  "Sometimes"..... "When he gets in a good mood and feeling better can I come spend the night?.... I really miss you Grammma."

Thanks to Tom's sister and husband... we had a wonderful Easter dinner... the two of us and our girls (dogs)......  later Tom was feeling really good and told me to go for an hour or two to go see my family who were all gathered at my sisters.......

To me...Tom gave the greatest gift.... he gets really scared when I'm not there.... even when he is having a good day/moment ..... it's worse when he isn't.  Than he even needs to know where I am in our small house......

I think the fear comes from the fact that he depends on me to be the part of him he is losing.... the more he loses... the more he needs me and the fear of something happening to me is terrifying to him.....he always says he would be doomed if something happened to me...... that must be a pretty scary feeling.

Granny's Visit

Granny came to visit....... what a spit fire, silver haired ol' lady she is.... We've spent  many a days and nights with her a few years back before Tom declined to where he wanted only to be home......

If laughter is good for the soul.... we had some pretty healthy souls then because we lived....we laughed...we ate and played cards till the day was done.....

Through answered prayer........Tom had a wonderful day .... he appeared from the bedroom as the Tom from back then....... For the first time in what seems forever Tom slept all night too.......

Granny was here for only a short time.... but her visit sparked old memories for Tom and we reminisced and laughed into the night...... he also was here for only a short time........

The Beast Has Calmed...

This disease and the behavior issues that go with it can be very trying on the caregiver.....spouse.....me.  

Obsessions are not fun.....his is now in a quiet place..... hopefully for awhile....One never knows as it can start in again at any given time....all that was won in the first go around is long forgotten and you start anew.....

Tom actually slept all night and "no coffee" ??????  He woke at three and I let the girls out....He asked me to start the coffee....and said soon he must take his pill.

I climbed back into bed and just agreed with him......He woke me at seven to tell me he never got up for coffee and he had went back to sleep.  I asked if he took his pill and he said yes you gave it to me.

I got him a cup of coffee...his pill he didn't take..... and let the girls out.....again!

He went right back to sleep.........???

A few of  "my people"  have stopped in to see me  "us" and how it's going.... They seen Tom's sudden anger. ......... Not directed at them ..... It took them by surprise and I think it scared them some what..... I told them that wasn't nothing.  That doesn't even phase me.    You should see the full blown version.....That's like an erupting volcano with lava spewing everywhere and you have no where to run.......

But his new meds have simmered him way down so hopefully we won't have to deal with the volcano episode again for awhile....."never" .....would be good for me but one never knows and all you can do is stay on guard and have a plan in place.........

The Black Beaver

When Tom took me to see his trap sets...he showed me two... the one where the beaver scared him and a set down by the neighbors creek.

They looked like some good sets as he had one in each the in and out runways of the beaver houses........Not that I know anything about trapping but really,  I don't see how they could escape?

This morning he took me with as he was sure he had one.....We went to the neighbors creek where he seen the black beaver sitting on the ice.....

I pushed him off in the canoe so he could get to the other side of the creek.....

 You could see he had one in the trap when we got there.

 By golly.... gosh..... darn.... he had the black beaver in his trap.

 He was so happy.  They are unusual and in all his years he has never seen one let alone get one.

He called Bob the taxidermist friend who bear guides down here in the fall......"What's it going to cost me to get this tanned?.....  what?..... your kidding me?"

Turns out he'll do it for nothing in exchange for Tom helping him with the baiting this fall......

Between you and me?  That's Bob's plan for keeping Tom from disturbing his hunters this fall who pay a lot of $$ to get a bear in a short time.......

For the past two years .......Tom has been disturbing the hunts...... forgetting they are there, as he is out running around in the woods at that time of year.

Tom almost dropped a log on a hunter last year not knowing he was right there sitting in a blind only a few feet from him......LOL.
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Seems like Tom is simmering down or I am adjusting to the change?  I think he is accepting and adjusting too....... It's hard to tell.  What he knows and accepts one day or moment is forgotten the next.

What I do know is he is obsessed with trapping..... He has no clue about not having $$ for everything he wants....He just wants it and if I don't give or get it for him he thinks I'm being mean to him....(child mentality?)

He thinks I know everything and can do anything....... I was with recently while he set a trap.... I have NO CLUE what he was doing..... he was fumbling like he didn't have a clue either..... He started yelling at me ???????

Later we discussed how hard it is to trap.....and how I won't get him all the stuff he needs..... on and on and on..........I listened and agreed to everything he said.. I'm mean...I'm bad..... shame on me for being such a mean MOM.....

Than I got to talk..... he was surprised .....shocked even... to find out that I don't know anything about trapping... He really thought I knew everything and I was just being mean......He says.."well that explains it...I'm sorry... but I thought you knew everything"

He was even surprised to find out that I don't  know EVERYTHING ?????  So I explained how I like to go with to WATCH and TAKE PICTURES but I don't want to help set traps because it's too hard for me.  That's a big guys job!  He so agreed.  

It's still touch and go as we continue to adjust his meds and adjust to the change......

It's almost funny when he has a light bulb moment........a glimpse of the real world before he fades back.

Setting Traps ?

Last night was the usual......sleep till 3:00 AM and than start his coffee party.... This time he came to bed after getting a cup of coffee  "MOM... I'm wide awake.".......   "Go to sleep!"...........  "I took my pill"..... "what pill?"......  "the one I'm suppose to take when I wake up!".......  "Your new one?"......  "yah" ....... "what time is it?"......  "3:00 and I remembered I was suppose to take it...."

"ahhh.... no not till at least 6:00"...... "I took it at 3:00 yesterday morning.".....  "NOPE  it was 6:00.....Go to sleep...it's not going to kill you".......  "Now I'm wide awake and if you won't talk to me I'm getting up"......"okay lets talk"......  "zzzzzzzzz"....  "???????"...... Now I'm wide awake!

This Too Shall Pass?

So Tom was up and out setting traps (?) by 9:00.....I see his new traps in the back of the 4-wheeler and they are still there when he gets home.....? from setting traps.....I'm not sure how that works.  LOL

I run the vac through the house real quick while he is gone because I want to go clean up the yard today if Tom doesn't have other plans for me.......

Darn it....he was back in less than an hour.  He come belly laughing through the door.  "I have the ultimate funny story to tell you!" he says still laughing. 

I pull out a chair for him to sit on as he didn't seem to have a clue about what he was doing.....he just wanted to tell his story.....

It seems he went down the bank on the river 

 and was stomping around in the water on the edge to see if he could find the beavers runway as there is a beaver house in the bank.

He was straddling the runway when all of a sudden a beaver popped up between his feet and slapped his tail and took off......  The back side of Tom was all wet from the beaver slapping his tail..... Tom said "I almost had a heart attack it scared me so bad"......  I checked to see if he was only wet on his back side......I'm afraid if it were me the front would be wet too. lol

So he left again to set traps........ this time coming back to tell me he was setting a trap down by the neighbors and when he turned around there was a big black beaver sitting on the ice watching him......

I was invited to go for a ride and see where he put these traps.  He asked me to take my camera in case we see beaver.  Hence the pictures.

Tom's Doctor Appointment

The last few mornings were touch and go...... Tom was waking up with a meanness in him.....each morning being a little worse.

I emailed the Dr. ahead of time for his appointment today.  While at the clinic Tom sneered and made fun of people.....threatened to leave a few times and than he was serious and was going to leave.

So I went to the front desk and alerted them we have an Alz. patient ready to make his escape.  They laughed like he wasn't the first and got him in a room.......

There I felt a little closed in with this attitudey  guy...... I tried cracking jokes and that only pissed him off worse.   He sat and told me all the reasons he didn't like me.  I t was hard not to laugh at this guy who was in this cracker box of a room with me.....

The Dr. finally appeared ........ what a lovely sight to behold....... We went through Tom's meds and questions were asked....and answered.  Most everything going over Toms head.... I never know what ideas he will leave the room with as his perception of what was said.

His risperdal was upped and I sang "Glory Hallelujah!!!!"  LOL

"GET ME HOME!!!!"  was all he had to say when we left.  Later I heard him tell his sister his version of what the Dr. said.

He loves his Dr.  which helps and he walked away with that "he needed to take all his prescribed pills and not worry about all the side effects they list on the internet because most of that isn't true.  He even showed us his little computer thing and it didn't show any side effects...... and the Dr. said he was in A-ONE shape!

If that's what he got out of the appointment...it works for me.  I won't have to crush and hide his pills in his food than...... : )

Tom still thinks he IS going camping and trapping by himself in unknown territory.....

THE VERY WORST SCENARIO ......... I go with him........and baby it's cold outside!