❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥Someone Asked Why?❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥

Super women took a nose dive into the ground. She hit with such force she was buried for weeks. A heavy equipment operator was called in by God. He dug till he found her. She was still breathing but emotionally frail.

He took one look at her and he felt something he has never felt before. So when God said take care of her and love her......he did. He tried to walk away but couldn't....God filled him with an abundance of all the qualities he already possessed and said use these now to help her grow to her full potential as one day you will need what she has to give......

So he put her on a pedestal and kept her dusted and polished for years. Everyday he would polish and shine her and gave her everything he had inside as God instructed.

As the years slowly passed........and she shined like the brightest star in the sky......(He did an awesome job).....but now he was slowly losing himself.

She asked God with tears in her eyes " where is he going?" God said "he is going back to where he first came. It's a long hard journey and he needs you to help him get there safely."

I will give you an abundance of all you need to help him on his journey back to me, for that is where he came from.

So to those who ask why? Because I believe in fairy tales...He is my knight in shining armor...... He literally guarded me with his life.....

❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥


Friday, October 9, 2009

MY MISTAKE!

I made a BIG mistake first thing upon Tom getting up for the day on Wednesday and WE paid for it ALL day! This is a good example of how the AD brain works or I should say DOESN'T work.

Tom has been obsessing about getting straw for winterizing. As he watches the weather every night he seen snow and cold temps in our forecast. So to keep his anxiety level low I made arrangements with our daughter to get some straw ASAP!

We made arrangements the night before and mistake #1 was including Tom in the plan. I did that because he wants to go road hunting EVERYDAY and we had to work around Sanj's work schedule. #2 was we needed to move some HEAVY summer things and TOM doesn't get it that I'm not 30 any more. BUT when he decides it's time to do this I am delegated.

SO I was trying to be one step ahead knowing it was coming with the straw and lined up help for that too. TOM didn't know that part as he would object.

MY BIG MISTAKE? Well Sanj called as we were waiting for her soon arrival. She asked if it was possible for us to wait till later when her boy friend Calvin got off work and he would help with all the above. I said sure because than we could go road hunt and that would make Tom happy.

NOT....... HE can't switch gears. That part of the brain is burnt out. I knew that BUT I was thinking with my normal brain which is ALWAYS a mistake. It's hard to live in his world as his brain function deteriorates but I have to function for US in the real world.

He agreed to go hunting but I heard that funny breathing he does when he is stressed as we were pulling out of the drive way. OH POOHY! I knew we were in for a bad day and why. And poor Tom was clueless. He just knew he was upset and was trying to get a handle on it but couldn't.

It was a long day with him being sarcastic and crabby one minute and than seemingly like he was getting over it and was his old self and than bam.. It was like TWO different personalities popping in and out all day. IT SUCKED!

Even Lilly tried to snap him out of it but that was short lived too. The girls are aware and sensitive to the his changes and moods. They are a blessing to us and help me with him more than anyone will ever know.

When we got home late afternoon and NO BIRDS : ( I started super and he rolled cigarettes and watched baseball. I brought him coffee like nothing was wrong. Than after about a half hour he said he didn't know what was wrong with him and he was having a bad day and he had been trying to snap out of it all day and not be crabby but he said he would no more than be okay and bam those bad feeling would hit him again. (The bad feelings are him feeling mad and if he didn't fight it, it can turn to rage.) He kept saying he was sorry!

We got through super and getting the hay and moving "some" heavy things with the arranged help. It was on again, off again with the mood thing. When they left so did his anger. He was fine the rest of the evening ..........?

It helps me a lot to have people around me who seem to "get" the disease and it's effects. A phone call to one of these people = help. Tom can hide his deficits as "they" (people with AD) all can even in later stages to fool others that there is nothing wrong. But Tom let's his guard down around a few he loves and trusts so that's why I have the help I need. They see it!


The Upside of the day? The drive is beautiful.........
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