This year he hasn't said a word... I left it alone because I really don't care..... The day of my birthday I was bringing his morning coffee and was going to tell him it was my B-Day so he wouldn't be thrown off guard when family called to wish me a good day......
My mother was on the phone I had in my hand when I brought him his coffee in bed... He wasn't even all the way awake.....
"Here's your coffee sweetheart".....I whispered softly in his ear.... Tom opened his eyes and said... "Happy Birthday Mom!"..... I was so surprised I said "WHAT?"
He said..."Happy Birthday".......
My Mom heard this too and KNEW he had just given me the Best B-DAY present ever..... She was thrilled for me because SHE knows better than anyone else in the whole world what kind of relationship, love and happiness that Alzheimer's is stripping away from me..... We spent a lot time with her a few years back so she seen up close and personal how "WE WERE"....
Ummmm we seen how she really was too un-be-known to anyone else.... hee hee (wink)
Like Christmas Tom responded well to a couple of our kids stopping by to wish me a Happy Birthday but it also tickled me how they pulled it off.....
One came with stuffed animals for each of our girls.... and the other came with raw hides for the girls and candy for Tom..... : )
And like Christmas there were no repercussions later.......
If only we could stay in this place for awhile.... it's not bad from what we have been through till now.... But realistically? It is probably the calm before the next storm.
BUT I will not worry about what isn't and may be to come........ INSTEAD I will relish in what I have today.
***********************************************
1/15/11
Living with Alzheimer's in our life keeps me pretty busy caring for Tom and the girls... One does not realize what that requires. Some outsiders think I just hang out with nothing but time on my hands ...... and I say to them your welcome to walk my shoes for a day as I could use the break.
I stay focused on the positives in each and everyday..... I don't take the time to waddle in self pity as that would be just throwing precious life away..... God has given me a very special job to do and I give it my all....
I have been able to detach from what was and I am so busy with what is and the ever changing circumstances of every day that I don't have time to miss what was or what we were planning for our future.... "Our Golden Years"
I have found peace in my heart and in my soul living my life for God. Taking care of this man who has been inflicted with this unmerciful disease..... I imagine where he is ... lost in his own mind... depending on ME to take care of his needs and keep him safe...... and when he trails back to the past I go with him..... he is not alone.... I hold his hand in past and present.
He feels and responds to my love for him and trusts me completely. It's scary at times for him when he isn't sure what is real.... but I tell him it's okay.... where we live...... real is where and what we want it to be...... He is comforted by that as he knows where ever he is in his mind... I will be there with him.
I see in his eyes sometimes fear..... fear when he realizes he isn't who he was.... when something has happened that he is aware of that is unlike who he was. I make light of it and we laugh.
With my attitude to enjoy what we have today and let go of the things we can not change, and stuff is stuff, it doesn't make or break our lives as we live it...... We swiftly move past the small stuff.....
I keep the atmosphere happy, joyful, and as fun as I can.....trying to keep him stimulated without pushing him over the edge.... somedays he is just not here and seems to want to be alone...... as he works so hard to stay grounded.... those days I maintain the light atmosphere but in a quiet sort of way.....
I do get frustrated at times and could wring his neck but when I actually think about what pissed me off... it's kind of funny...... of coarse I don't react in front of him so I have time to think about how ridiculous what he said that rubbed me the wrong way, was....
Tom is a man of few words these days but let me tell you by night it is none stop talk.... He is clear and makes total sense..... by day it's a whole different story. lol
When he is in this dream / talking / acting out state... we can interact with each other.... he usually wakes in the middle of it and starts laughing realizing what he his doing for a second and than starts right back at it again...... I told him he has me and the girls totally entertained .... he laughs and thinks it's funny as he does not have nightmares like when he first started this journey.
Tom at this point has given up doing anything at all...... instead he sits and thinks about all the things he doesn't have and if only had them he could do this or that.....
He thinks it is lack of having certain things that keep him from doing anything at all.
Till now this disease has made our life ALL about TOM.... than I slowly became aware that it isn't ALL about him.... it's about ALL of us that are connected to him.... this disease is effecting and touching everyone that is a part of our lives in some way....
So without taking away from Tom's needs, life and security I find creative ways to still find something for myself and to stay in some way a part of the lives of others that are important to me......
That is important because my health and frame of mind directly effects Tom's care. I haven't found a way to get respite so at times I get pretty tired and wore down....
Keep us in your prayers as we have still a long way to go..... And thanks to all who support us, stand beside us and are there to give us a helping hand when needed.
There are people who don't know us but know about us who have helped us "because they can" to you I say "GOD BLESS!"
I stay focused on the positives in each and everyday..... I don't take the time to waddle in self pity as that would be just throwing precious life away..... God has given me a very special job to do and I give it my all....
I have been able to detach from what was and I am so busy with what is and the ever changing circumstances of every day that I don't have time to miss what was or what we were planning for our future.... "Our Golden Years"
I have found peace in my heart and in my soul living my life for God. Taking care of this man who has been inflicted with this unmerciful disease..... I imagine where he is ... lost in his own mind... depending on ME to take care of his needs and keep him safe...... and when he trails back to the past I go with him..... he is not alone.... I hold his hand in past and present.
He feels and responds to my love for him and trusts me completely. It's scary at times for him when he isn't sure what is real.... but I tell him it's okay.... where we live...... real is where and what we want it to be...... He is comforted by that as he knows where ever he is in his mind... I will be there with him.
I see in his eyes sometimes fear..... fear when he realizes he isn't who he was.... when something has happened that he is aware of that is unlike who he was. I make light of it and we laugh.
With my attitude to enjoy what we have today and let go of the things we can not change, and stuff is stuff, it doesn't make or break our lives as we live it...... We swiftly move past the small stuff.....
I keep the atmosphere happy, joyful, and as fun as I can.....trying to keep him stimulated without pushing him over the edge.... somedays he is just not here and seems to want to be alone...... as he works so hard to stay grounded.... those days I maintain the light atmosphere but in a quiet sort of way.....
I do get frustrated at times and could wring his neck but when I actually think about what pissed me off... it's kind of funny...... of coarse I don't react in front of him so I have time to think about how ridiculous what he said that rubbed me the wrong way, was....
Tom is a man of few words these days but let me tell you by night it is none stop talk.... He is clear and makes total sense..... by day it's a whole different story. lol
When he is in this dream / talking / acting out state... we can interact with each other.... he usually wakes in the middle of it and starts laughing realizing what he his doing for a second and than starts right back at it again...... I told him he has me and the girls totally entertained .... he laughs and thinks it's funny as he does not have nightmares like when he first started this journey.
Tom at this point has given up doing anything at all...... instead he sits and thinks about all the things he doesn't have and if only had them he could do this or that.....
He thinks it is lack of having certain things that keep him from doing anything at all.
Till now this disease has made our life ALL about TOM.... than I slowly became aware that it isn't ALL about him.... it's about ALL of us that are connected to him.... this disease is effecting and touching everyone that is a part of our lives in some way....
So without taking away from Tom's needs, life and security I find creative ways to still find something for myself and to stay in some way a part of the lives of others that are important to me......
That is important because my health and frame of mind directly effects Tom's care. I haven't found a way to get respite so at times I get pretty tired and wore down....
Keep us in your prayers as we have still a long way to go..... And thanks to all who support us, stand beside us and are there to give us a helping hand when needed.
There are people who don't know us but know about us who have helped us "because they can" to you I say "GOD BLESS!"
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