Tommy's Mood?

I put a white board on our fridge for Tom... I thought I could keep the date, weather and up coming events on it. Things he asks me about often.

Well I did well with that till in July I caught myself writing June and in August I was writing July so I decided to drop the date thing since I couldn't keep it straight my self....... Tom keeps saying I'm the one who is confusing him........ AND I say to him I caught it from you! : )

SO I wiped the slate clean and drew a face, leaving the mouth off. I titled it Tommy's Mood.......... He thought that was funny.

He said, "you only gave me three hairs." I said, "that's all you have on top. I counted." (He has lot's of hair) He said, "you gave me big ears. I said, "because you have big elephant ears and I was nice and made them smaller." He laughed as he has little ears.

The first day he put a smile on it....... I told him that was nice. And I was glad he was having a good day.

Well yesterday " W A S N ' T" a good day. I could tell when he got up that he was dealing with anxiety. He told me later that he woke from a night mare and couldn't shake it. (His dreams are clear, vivid, some stupid some night mares, but all are as real as can be. "Characteristic of Alz." )

The first half the morning Tom rolled cigarettes and I stayed busy so I wouldn't accidentally ignite the fuel.....but stayed near as I knew he was also scared.

Later I went to town to get him gas for the riding lawn mower. When I got home he met me on the drive way. He was on the 4-wheeler? I stopped to see what he was up to. Obviously he wasn't mowing grass. He said the lawn mower won't start. He looked at my front tire and said..."GET THE CAR UP TO THE HOUSE NOW!" I said "what's wrong?" He said "NOW!"

So I drive up to the house and got out to look at what's wrong. My front tire was smoking...... I knew the ball joint was bad but the starter is shot too so I was just driving on borrowed time. He didn't know that.

So the lawn mower crapped and the car crapped all in the same day. I burst out laughing and he went for a ride.....When he came back he was able to realize that these two events don't mean the end of the world or our lives..... I said well at least the 4-wheeler is still running and WE still have the push mower : )

LATER I noticed he had changed the smile on the white board.

He said he did it when the mower wouldn't start and than he was REALLY mad.... I said "I see that. Boy that's a really mad face.!"

We busted out laughing "together"

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What we call bad days are the effects of Alzheimers.... Anger with no cause. It's a feeling he hates and battles as he is aware it's not warranted and beyond his control. It's scary at times but all we can do is ride the wave.

WE fight this disease with humor when we can hence the face on the white board.

Building Trap Boxes

Tom's been out talking to the Bear Guides, Border Patrol and anyone else that is down this road and cares to "BS"

Some one must have been talking about trapping.... here we go!

The new thing he says, is a box with a body grip trap in the opening..... He was going to build some..... By gosh he was gone and came back with some lumber scraps..... I know better than to ASK a question.... (pisses him off in an instant)....so I waited and eventually he told me he got it from the neighbor....

NOTE: (Tom doesn't like questions as it confuses him and IF he had a train of thought? it is now gone and he can't answer your question, which causes frustration and comes out in anger.

So I went about my OWN business mowing and weed whacking, to be out near him but minding my OWN business, not HIS. (It's ME that confuses him because I can't mind my OWN business) You Have To Chuckle......

I seen he set up the saw horses in front of the house..... Got out his skill saw, measure tape, level, hammer, nails, pencil, trap.........

I could hear him humming as he was thinking, measuring, thinking, measuring.....I went back to minding my own business as it drives me crazy to watch him struggle. It takes him all day to do something so simple...... It's a B O X the size of the trap!

I hear the saw... I say a prayer to GOD that he keeps all his digits in tact..... THAN.....M O M!!!!!!!!! he hollers. He needs me to hold his short 2x4 while he rips it...........It was maybe 3 feet long. We were all set to cut it and just like that, the saw was DEAD...

AFTER he settled down and was composed again he decided to cut it with the chain saw...... OH MY! He headed back to the shack... I followed not sure if I should stick my neck out and ask where he was going.

There was some distance between us so I said "where are you going?" Whew... he said to get his chain saw. I said "it's in front of the house where you are working." He calmly said.."Oh it is?"

So he came back and cut his board holding it with his foot.....there was no blood gushing from his foot so I figured that went okay but I better find something safer for him to cut with. I suggested the jig saw... He was fine with that and it was MUCH safer than the other two choices......

I was going to go back to minding my OWN business but he said he needed my help and it wasn't like I was doing anything anyway..... I thought no but I like the distance thing when he's doing a project. I do have a hard time keeping my mouth shut....

So I did as he asked, kept quiet unless I was asked for my two cents, and eventually mellowed enough to let me help him........ Next day WE made two more.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Today he is off looking for places to set his traps this fall. I'm thinking it may be time to look into a GPS or something.

Naughty "EM"

Emily is growing like a weed.... She keeps me on my toes, Tom laughing and entertained, and a
great sister to Mag and Lilly.

We laugh at how they have the typical oldest sister, middle sister and youngest sister behavior. And of coarse that means Emily gets away with a lot and knows when to look cute to get out of trouble.She gets away with things the other two got in trouble for. But yet Mag and Lilly love her to death and are very protective over her. If they think she's in trouble with Dad, the older girls get between him and Emily and defuse the situation. It's very touching......

Emily is smart and quick to learn, she hates to be scolded so we are careful how we respond when she is naughty.... hence " oh how cute.... she is being naughty."
She likes to hide and bury things out side...... Like my sock in the flower bed.
Tom can never find his gloves if he put them down... inside or out. He thought he put a pair on the deck of his shack and I seen some one prancing around out side with a pair.......Like Tom needs any help being confused....He does that well enough on his own.
Tom thought it was cute when he found her with his slipper but I wasn't so thrilled when I found my crocs chewed up.....Tom just says..."MOM, she's naughty! That's funny hah?" I think Tom was "naughty" as a little boy because he gets way tooo much fun out of tearing around with the girls and being "naughty" sigh........

I do laugh when they're not looking.

We both love all three to death.... Each one plays a significant role in our lives. They help me with Tom and they seem to know when he's not right or having a bad day. They look after me too! They are a blessing!

4-wheeeelin'

The sun shined brightly as we awoke Sunday morning and a cool breeze blew through the window..... "Aaaaahh!" I sighed.... looks like it's going to be a nice day.

It was... We mowed a little lawn in the a.m.... had company for part of the after noon.... girls went swimming and than Tom said "do we dare leave the girls home alone and go for a 4-wheeler ride?"

Well I was all over that.... I've been die-ing to go for a ride in the woods but Tom is in such a "strange" place, I just leave it alone...

So we put the girls in the house , who seemed fine with us going, as they had a busy day and were tired out..... AND off we went..... Yeeeee-Haaaaah!!!! (sorry, I get carried away from time to time) : )

Off we went....... we were "zooming" down the woods road.... "Okay" I thought to myself...." he's driving like he has an agenda, not like we are taking just a leisurely ride."

Next thing I knew we were at the end of the woods road and headed down the trails in the woods...... I thought "oh...we are just going to go check out some bear baits and see if we can see a bear"

NOPE...That wasn't it! We passed by all those spots.

Than in front of us was a REALLY B I G deep/water/mud/swamp pond and he wasn't stopping but was weaving from one side to the other as if eyeing it up on which side to take......

YEP! mud was flying, we were spinning, slipping sliding, bogging down and I am hearing the oh shit word coming out of his mouth when the wheels finally gripped and we crawled out........

No he didn't stop there, not for a moment.....nope....he just kept on going.....

Okay, now I'm thinking "oh shit!"....... we are zooming around water holes, going through tall grass and can't see the trail under us...... and than another big swamp hole and another........

After quite a trek through the woods he stops.... He says, "I just wanted to see if I could get through for bird hunting.... It's not as bad as I thought it would be." It will be fine.

I pipe up from behind him to kind of remind him I'm there.... "Yah, that wasn't bad at all" I said as I look at all the splattered mud on me.....

We turned around and headed back.... We got through all the swamp holes and had one bad one left. When he reached it he stopped.

"You may have to get off and walk through this one," he said as he was still eye balling the swamp hole/pond/lake? " Hmmmm, I wonder which side should I take?"

I slid off thinking I hadn't dressed for this..... Ah the heck with it and I started tromping through the swamp up to my knees.... That was the high ground. He made many attempts and finally made it through. It didn't look good for awhile there.

I got back on and we were getting near the woods road that led home. He stopped to light a cigarette, than looked back at me and burst out laughing. I was mud from head to toe.... "You're a mess" he said smirking............

And I said, "how come your NOT?" He didn't answer that... he just took us home.

UP-DATE

All has been well here for the most part..... The weather has limited our choices of "what's up for today?"

We mow grass when it's not raining...... (we just left the pontoons on all summer) ; o) Tom talks about how next year he's not mowing all that grass..... He says that every year and than expands the yard. I do see a decline in his lawn care this year though..... and for the past month he's been saying "this should be the last time we have to mow it this year." : )

The loggers are done and gone.... I think Tom misses "running down to see what the loggers are doing."

The bear hunters are baiting but I don't see any interest in them so far. He's usually out snooping around to see who all is baiting and hunting and where. Though it is wet in the woods and travel is limited and the bugs are nasty......

The girls (dogs) are our sunshine on cloudy days..... Rain or shine, they throw a fit everyday to go swimming. Emily is the best swimmer out of the three. Tom calls her "Otter" ..... They are always tearing around and have a way of lifting your spirits and make you laugh even when you don't feel like it.

We haven't seen ANY deer around for a few weeks... There are so few around this year. Last winter was really hard on them and we have a large number of timber wolves we share these woods with, so they chase them out from time to time.

BUT last night I looked out and down the drive came two deer. A nice buck and a large doe. Tom and I were a singing and a dancing. They are so much apart of our daily life that when they aren't around for a day or two you get this empty, sad feeling inside. : ( It's hard enough adjusting to having a few come in verses a herd of 10 or more.

Tom's mood has still been more mellow than otherwise...... He does have days when he is trying to do something and his brain just won't work.... The frustration usually comes out in anger and the more I try to help the more confused he gets and the more angry he gets. So me and the girls try to become "invisible" those days...

Tom's aware of his decline... but on good days he has a tendency to mess with me. He is aware of all I do when he is having a bad day to make it easier for him.... I just agree with everything he says.. It doesn't matter if red is black and white is yellow that particular day.... or who really put the potato chip bowl in the fridge... I could have done it?  I don't feel a need to be right.

So on a good day he'll tell me something really off the wall he is going to do... I'm thinking "OH BOY!" but I say calmly with a reassuring smile on my face..."okay"
Than he'll laugh and say just kidding.... I say "you just think it's funny how I always agree with you no matter what.... He's says yes...but seriously, he says how I handle him on bad days and my reactions keep him from completely loosing it. It also makes him want to try to get a grip... Just not always possible.... BUT I do see his efforts which reassures me that he realizes that WE are in this TOGETHER.

As we look around us and see others struggle with their own issues in their lives, we bow our heads and thank the Lord for all we have. Our struggles are small to some and just different to others...... We are "BLESSED"

We Found "SPIDER"

There was a spider..... who lived in my mail box. I called him Spider... Pretty clever huh! But........ Spider wasn't no little spider. He was one of those really big ones you see on the outhouse walls! I don't know what they are. I just know it was big and it was a spider and he gave me the "hee-bee-gee- bees".

Every time I got the mail...I'd pull the mail out, look in the back of the mail box, see old Spider there, by his web of dead bugs. Than I'd closed the mail box and left with a sigh of relief..... The sigh was because I knew WHERE Spider was.

One day I grabbed the mail, looked in the back of the mail box and Spider was NOT there. I said...."OH SHIT!" I turned over the news paper I had in the car and still in my hand and there he was.... On the news paper....

I freaked : 0) he freaked : 0) and than I didn't see the spider any more. I looked around the car and didn't see him BUT I knew he was some where in the car.....And one day we would meet again.......

Well quite a bit of time has passed..... I seen nothing of Spider..... But out of sight didn't put him out of my mind......

Than one day not that long ago, Tom, the girls and I were in the car.... It was hot outside so we had the A/C blowing...... From out of one of the vents on the dash, NEAR me, popped out SPIDER!!!!!!

TOM hates spiders so I said, ever so calmly... "Honey... BIG S p i d e r...DASH. He's says "WHAT?" I said slowly... "Really Big Spider On the DASH!!!!! KILL IT PLEASE."

I thought he'd freak out and I'd have to pull over on the side of the road and kill it myself.....I've always had to do the spider disposal, He REALLY hates them!

To my surprise, he seen it and squished it with a rag he had in his hand, like NO BIG DEAL???? ...... I said, "Thanks... and quietly exhaled"

I still look in the back of the mail box when I get the mail.... Just making sure!

As for Tom? He is always changing.... His likes and dislikes, his obsessions, his moods............

Good Day.......Gone Bad!

Tom and I went on a field trip....We thought it would be fun to get out and see what's going on in the real world. "It could be fun?"

As I mention often, Tom doesn't like to leave the woods much.... and when he does he is VERY irritable till he is safe back home again. But he's been mellowing so why not.

Sandy was taking a little trip out of town and invited us with. She is so good with Tom and a sense of humor to keep him laughing.....

Kelly and Brit came out to our place to take care of the girls. This was hard for Tom to leave them as they are all so emotionally attached. But the girls (dogs) love Kel and Brit and Kel knows how they are spoiled so we left them in great hands and Tom felt fine about that.

We had a fun, uneventful day.... Tom was great and really seemed to enjoy himself and the girls seemed to have a wonderful, fun day too.

Here is where it went bad. We went to bed early as we are not use to being up at 5:00 am........Lilly was sleeping between us even though this is odd for her. She loves the bed by the window yet next to me. We let her be as she is the most emotional of the three.

BAD, Bad idea......I woke up SOAKING WET! Yup...... She peeeeeeed. FULL bladder..... Never, never, never does she have accidents in the house.......SO that means it was not an accident?

We changed the top bedding and put layers on the bottom and put Lilly on her side of the bed....... of coarse we weren't mad at her, we talked for a bit trying to figure out what happened as she didn't get up and squat.....

I woke later again to find her bed and part of my blanket wet as she was snuggled in close to me.......

The rest of the night was uneventful and Lilly has been fine since. BUT Tom vowed to Lilly........." NEVER EVER will I leave you again." ARG!!!!!!