❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥Someone Asked Why?❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥
Super women took a nose dive into the ground. She hit with such force she was buried for weeks. A heavy equipment operator was called in by God. He dug till he found her. She was still breathing but emotionally frail.
He took one look at her and he felt something he has never felt before. So when God said take care of her and love her......he did. He tried to walk away but couldn't....God filled him with an abundance of all the qualities he already possessed and said use these now to help her grow to her full potential as one day you will need what she has to give......
So he put her on a pedestal and kept her dusted and polished for years. Everyday he would polish and shine her and gave her everything he had inside as God instructed.
As the years slowly passed........and she shined like the brightest star in the sky......(He did an awesome job).....but now he was slowly losing himself.
She asked God with tears in her eyes " where is he going?" God said "he is going back to where he first came. It's a long hard journey and he needs you to help him get there safely."
I will give you an abundance of all you need to help him on his journey back to me, for that is where he came from.
So to those who ask why? Because I believe in fairy tales...He is my knight in shining armor...... He literally guarded me with his life.....
❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥❥
Tom's been out bird hunting everyday since Monday..... He's been enjoying the weather, the woods, peace and quiet..... He's been exploring areas he has never been...... just because he can.....
The weather has been wonderful and I've been getting a few things done around here that I can't do with him underfoot. It's a win-win!
Tom came home early yesterday.... I asked what was wrong...? why was he home already....?
He said, "Mom, I got to thinking how much you love the woods at this time of year and it's not fair you always stay home and take care of things. I came back to get you!" awwwww!
NOT taking any chances of him rethinking this I was ready to go in a flash. He was still gas-ing up as I climbed on board.
(To clarify why I don't go everyday with him is because he doesn't want to leave our girls (dogs) home alone. They BEG!!!!! to go too. So I stay home so he can go and not feel bad leaving them behind.)
We only seen a few birds but it didn't matter. I was just totally enjoying being out in the woods on the trails.....
Once Tom asked, what are you looking for...DUCKS? That was funny and I laughed... I was looking "UP" at this big old tree and wondering how old it was. 
Tom said, "there use to be a deer stand way up there. They must have taken it down."
We went down wide trails, narrow trails, groomed trails, un-groomed trails and a few mud holes......
The woods had that yummy fall smell......leaves were starting to turn color and the ash have mostly lost their leaves......
When we got home a few hours later, the girls were a little upset with us but also glad we were home....Emily was good and didn't chew anything up. She normally doesn't but we've never left her before so we weren't sure what she'd do.
I thanked Tom for the "date"... he chuckled and said your welcome MOM!
As a caregiver and Toms wife, my job is to see that Tom is as safe as possible but still allow him to enjoy and get out of his life what he can...
Tom LOVES the woods.....simple as that. It's easy to get him confused as to where he is, in the town he grew up in, on the rare occasion I get him to town. But in the woods it's a different story. But as the disease progresses, he will eventually get lost and confused in the woods too.
I promised Tom that I would not take that away from him. He was free to roam the surrounding woods as long as I feel he is safe to do so. So I have been in contact with the local law enforcement to see what we could set Tom up with for tracking him in the event he didn't find his way home.
$$'s is an issue for us and the Sheriffs department but they are willing to look into any idea or product I come across. They will continue to look too! So I am open for any ideas?
My brother and his wife so generously gave us a vehicle as ours bit the dust. Tom's sister and husband took me to get the vehicle as it was out of town....We are surrounded by a host of GOD loving people who open their hearts to us and so generously help us ..........
I do not know how to thank everyone who helps us and remain apart of our lives.
I know that's not easy for those who do not understand the disease and it's progression.
The personality change and the inability to reason or even understanding simple sentences at times, reading a news paper 3-4 times because you know you read it but don't remember what you read, and the frustration they feel leading to angry outbursts....... It's a scary feeling to slowly lose yourself and being aware of it. And it tears me apart to watch him slowly disappear as a stranger takes his place.
THANK YOU EVERYONE! GOD BLESS YOU!
This past week Tom's been out everyday making places to set traps this trapping season. He has them EVERYWHERE..... He said he doesn't remember where all he fixed up but it gave him something to do.
Yesterday Tom came home so excited....his eyes bulging and breathing really funny...the same way he does when he has a big buck in his scope.
He got off the 4-wheeler saying he had the most ultimate of ultimate experiences in his whole life. This was truly the ultimate-ist!!!! (I have no idea where he got that word from but it kept coming out of his mouth.)
Apparently he stopped on the main trail (logging road) just before the trail flooded from a large beaver dam. On the other side is a spruce swamp. This is a road used by loggers in the winter for logging as the swamp goes for miles before hitting high ground. So they can only use it when it freezes over.
Anyway he was scouting out a place to set traps.... He looked across the flooded trail and seen a REALLY BIG BULL MOOSE. He said it had to have just lost it's velvet as the horns shined a very bright gold. " It was the most beautiful, breath taking sight I have ever seen." he said. "It stood out so brilliantly against the spruce back ground and the horns just shined..." he repeated.
I mumbled something about except the first time he laid eyes on me when he kept repeating the words "ultimate-ist and beautiful"....... Apparently he wasn't hearing a word I was saying...I looked at him and could see his eyes were glazed over as he stared off like he could still see it crystal clear." It was the most ultimate sight I've ever seen....." he kept repeating. "If I never see another moose as long as I live, it wouldn't matter as this was the ultimate."
Than he went on to say he made his famous, well practice moose call. (We use to moose hunt in Canada) The bull answered and started to follow the sound. That's when he seen the smaller bull.
He crept closer to the beaver dam , next to the swamped road and hid behind a big poplar and some spruce trees. He sat well hidden and crouched down. The bugs we driving him crazy so he lit a cigarette. He continued to make his call.
His heart was beating hard and his breathing heavy as the BIG BULL went splash.... "I could hear the sound of him coming through the water toward me. He was still grunting. " he said not blinking an eye as he still held his stare. " He crossed the beaver dam like he was walking on pavement. Now he is looking at me to see if I was getting the picture. " He crossed like it was nothing. Like he was walking on hard ground!!!!"
I was saying things like WOW! and HAH! and COOL! and I wished I was there! He heard that.... The part where I said "I wish I was there"
"When the MOOSE stopped, he was close enough for me to see his lips curl as he continued to grunt." Than I quit calling as I was afraid the Bull would realize I wasn't a cow." Tom said his eyes looked like soft balls. "They were huge." He could hear his every breath....... "It was the ultimate of experiences." he continued with his story. "THAT"S when I said to myself, OH WHY couldn't she be here with me..... I really said that to myself"....... and he repeated it a few more times.........
I said..."Yeah darn it! I always miss out on the cool stuff." "Yeah Mom, but you have an important job taking care of me and the girls. I'm just lucky I guess that I get to see all this cool stuff. And this was the coolest and the ultimate-ist. Thank you LORD for this great experience " he said with his head bowed.
"Just be happy for me that I get to do all this cool stuff." OUCH! AD SUCKS!
Than Tom finished his story. "I stood up and the bull wandered away. He didn't run or anything...just wandered off. I went back to the 4-wheeler and here the small bull had come out behind me.......He stood on the trail for a moment and wondered off too."
"I was so excited that I drove as fast as I could home to tell you about it..... I wished you could have been there with me!"
That statement made it okay with me that I wasn't there...... as much as I wished I was ..... I really miss him! But I'm happy when he's happy and watching him tell one of his stories with such excitement and passion....is priceless!
Even with summer temps, Fall keeps creeping in. The leaves are changing and most mornings we wake to a beautiful foggy haze. You can see the outline of the yard and a few trees peeking out. As it slowly dissipates the woods becomes more defined.
It's so peaceful and quiet........
OKAY I'm awake now.... As Fall is creeping in so are all the fun and games that come with it. Tom's been getting traps ready, trap boxes made and planning out where he's going to put his traps. He just got a dozen new traps so he'll be busy dying and tagging them....
It's early goose season now too so you never know when one will fly over and we can throw that in the roaster......
Soon the regular bird season will open and Tom will be off looking for birds. Because of where he's at in the disease I've decided this is the year to figure out some way to track him if he gets lost. I've got good people helping me figure something out.
He says he's going to pack up a tent and I can drive him somewhere and drop him off with the 4-wheeler. Than come get him in a couple of days.
I told him I couldn't do that. Me and the girls would miss him to much. Besides he has to be here to take care of us. What if something happened to us?
That worked THIS TIME.........
We took a field trip to town today....
Tom had a gift certificate to spend at the Outdoorsman. So he was able to get all his hunting licenses for anything he may shoot. Geese, ducks, deer, partridge..... and some shells for his shot gun.... He's ready!
YES he is still safe to use a gun. He's fine when he is hunting birds and for deer hunting I will be with him and more than likely he'll deer hunt right here, by the house. I ALWAYS think SAFTY first!
So back to our field trip. Our daughter, Sanj, came out this A.M. to give us a ride, and of coarse our three girls (dogs) came too. She has a Durango so there was plenty of room for all. Sanj knows, understands and accepts how Tom is with his girls so she has no problems with them riding in her vehicle.
He did pretty good in the Outdoorsman but was some what confused.... than we were off to do some shopping at a few more stores as Tom seemed to be okay.
When we were done Sanj pulled up to Dairy Queen and bought the girls a sundae. They were so excited as it has been ages since they have had a treat like that. This was new to Emily so she nursed hers a little more than the older two.....
It was a good trip over all. I heard some back seat mumbling about me talking too much and about all my outbursts but it's easy to ignore the static when it's coming from the back seat.
I remember when the kids were little and you did your best to ignore the squabbling going on in the back seat till the noise level reached a certain loudness and than it was time to pull off the side of the road. It didn't get that bad.
When we got home Tom laid down and said......"Mom, how come I'm so tired every time I get home from going to town?" I said "I don't know honey, but it's going to rain this afternoon so just relax and go to sleep" I covered him up and kissed his forehead and whispered..."I LOVE YOU!" He closed his eyes and in a short time was sound asleep.
FULL MOON EFFECT?
The term Lunatic is derived from the word Lunar (Moon).
Simply put; Hormonal reactions to increased positive ions in the air (Full Moon Effect) cause hyperactivity, depression, violent behavior, road rage, higher occurrences of migraines and
asthma. Even bees are known to sting without provocation on higher positive ion ratios.
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
Wouldn't you know it. I let down my guard and was blind sided by this mean, nasty, person who seemed to be pissed off at the whole world and everyone in it.....and didn't make one ounce of sense. He was like a Pit Bull with hemorrhoids.
The girls and I went into invisible mode.... At one point I thought he was moving out to the shack because he was mumbling something about moving out into the woods?
We live in the woods in the middle of 30 acres and there is nonstop woods behind us so how much more" in the woods" he was talking about I wasn't sure and NO WAY was I asking?
I was hoping one of those bees with the same attitude would sting him in the ass.
It's a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde kind of thing.... For some it is heightened during full moon. I've been noticing it during full moons but this was the "tsunami" of Jekyll and Hyde personality flip. No cause nor reason...weird and scary.
As it came with no warning it left. He went right back to his mixed up, pleasant old self who really loves "MOM" That's Me....... Hope he stays there for awhile.
As Tom lay in bed last night, his mind quite clear for the most part.... still in shock of what Alz. is changing him into. I hoped he'd never see or know that part. He shows his love for me everyday but is clueless of what he actually does and says.
I purposely have not drawn these changes to his attention as it would only make him feel bad if he realized.... I choose to make our lives as he is the best it can be. Because I can change and adapt and he can't...
He can only feel bad of what he is aware of and though he WANTS to be who he was and he said he was going to try really hard.... ALZ. isn't going to let him...
BUT it touches me deeply to see my old Tommy even for a moment or a day.... I miss him so terribly and those moments remind me WHY I do what I do....
Those that know us know what I am talking about....... They think I'm just spoiling him and he has me jumping to his commands.
BUT in our world... I am responding in a way that he does not realize anything is wrong... I make our world feel normal to him and that NOTHING has changed.
AND at the end of the day he tells me a hundred times he loves me so much.....
AND for us I will keep on doing it to the best of my ability....... "I LOVE YOU TOO!
I got up this morning thinking "OH POO-EY" here we go again! I sensed that anxiety again. He did say when I got up to let the girls out, make coffee and bring him a cup "I wished those dreams would go away!!!!!"
So with hardly a pause when he got out of bed he put his cloths on while informing me we were taking a BIG tree down. It's been bugging him a long time and today was the day!
I said "al-righty than.... do I have time to get dressed?" He said "yah...I'm in no hurry. I have to sharpen my saw first."
Well that doesn't take any time so I was throwing my cloths on, made the bed and out the door behind him.
He had to cut a smaller tree down first that was in the way..... It didn't fall where it was suppose to because "I didn't push it right?" But it was small so he just cut sections till it was all on the ground while telling me I have a lot to learn.
I thought to myself "way to go...now your going to get lessons in falling a tree"
YEP I was right. He said "now look at this tree and tell me what you see." "Ummmm a really big tree!" I could tell by the look on his face, that was the wrong answer so before it went from bad to worse and he was not appreciating my sense of humor at the moment I said "just tell me what I need to do because I am NOT a logger and I do not have the knowledge you have."
That worked. So we fell the BIG tree without incident and right where he wanted it to go. WHEW!
We had a good old fire going in no time at all ..... He found a log and he sat listening to the fire crackle. I could sense the anxiety he woke with that morning, slowly diminish into the smoke that floated up into the sky.
He remained more confused than usual the rest of the day but at least his mood was better and the anxiety was gone.
✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗✗
Lack of sleep and "any" stress can send them downward. He doesn't sleep well all night and the dreams are relentless. After his coffee in the morning he goes back to sleep and sleeps hard for a couple hours.
Being without a vehicle is the stress he is reacting to right now. His loss of freedom and self are brought to the forefront of his mind with a dead car sitting in the yard and the reliance on others just to go a few miles down the road for a can of gas.
"We are fine as God is watching over us and our ANGELS are swooping in and taking care of us."
The weather has been wonderful and I've been getting a few things done around here that I can't do with him underfoot. It's a win-win!
Once Tom asked, what are you looking for...DUCKS? That was funny and I laughed... I was looking "UP" at this big old tree and wondering how old it was. 
Tom said, "there use to be a deer stand way up there. They must have taken it down."
The woods had that yummy fall smell......leaves were starting to turn color and the ash have mostly lost their leaves......
