Clean Up

I called my daughter who has some strong, hard working boys, whom I knew wouldn't mind helping out their Granny with the clean up of the big old tree Gramps took down......

I pre warned Tom they were coming to give me a hand.... I never know if I should surprise him or tell him as I never know what his reaction will be one way or the other.....

That in it's self is sad.... but it is what it is and these kids are GREAT with Gramps so out they came AND  the girls LOVE the boys I might add!!!!......

I built a big fire to burn all the limbs and debris and of coarse got the low down on what Gramps wanted done with what....... For some reason he had his underwear in a bunch over this whole thing... He didn't know why I couldn't clean it up by myself like I usually do......

He wouldn't tell them what he wanted done even if they asked him.... he went through me??????  Totally strange behavior for Tom...... But I did catch a glimpse of a pretty "surprised face" when he realized they had it ALL cleaned up in no time at all....... Gramps rode "Big Red" around and around .... mowing grass that he already mowed.... ?

When the work was done we brought out hot dogs and marshmallows to roast over the fire for lunch of coarse..... Gramps finally loosened up a little....  had a hot dog and a marshmallow... I had to cook it for him..... his butt was glued to the bucket I think........

Sanj and the boys were off to the beach after lunch as it was a nice hot day and they certainly earned it.....

In the end Tom was happy about them giving us a hand....he was grateful and impressed...... In his mind he can't get a grip around the fact they aren't little anymore......... that they are growing into and are being raised to be helpful, respectful, hard working, fun loving adults.....

Normal kids running around playing, laughing...... doing what normal kids do and the noise associated with it drives him crazy.... and that is what he was anticipating..... but these kids are being taught what Grampa is going through and they are very understanding and accommodating.

I'm proud of these kids! AND then they have an awesome MOM!

The Leaning Tree

Moving on........ Now that Tom has his wheels back he has been a busy boy.....

We had a day of strong winds following a day of storms across Minnesota.... The wind took down a lot of trees around our area.  We were lucky and only had a few inside our woods line go down.. ..... But the neighbor had four big ones around his shack......so Tom was off to give him a hand......

The neighbor had a back hoe as his went down at the roots...... Tom put in a hard day over there, which was good for him, as he was a logger........ and he use to love it.......

Well there is this really big tree leaning way over Tom's shack...... even "Mr. Logger Boy" didn't dare touch it.... it had ONE destination....."The Shack"..........

Next morning here comes the neighbor with his back hoe......He worked his way back to the shack... trying not to tear up my yard more than need be....... took out a few stomps on the way..........

And then the moment came...... it was tricky.... a little nerve racking......he put the bucket in place.... put some pressure on it... Tom made a precise cut and with a steady push in the direction they wanted it to go ...

she crashed to the ground...... "Wa-hoo!" ......  I heard come from the back hoe......

Tom was relieved to see that tree down... on the ground and not on his shack..... He helped me get some dirt down the road with the neighbor's trailer..... we hauled five loads and the rest was up to me as Tom isn't into too much manual labor these days.....

I think helping the neighbor used up Tom's quota for the year..... But I got it all done today......as he rode "Big Red" (lawn mower).... around the yard...... and down the driveway..... and across the county road......where he mows the ditch.... because it looks nice......

OH HAPPY DAY!

Friday morning we waited till 11:00 A M before starting to harass the parts people we ordered the 4-wheeler parts from........ I use the word harass because on the other end of the phone with Tom.... it feels and sounds that way because he doesn't get that it is not in their power to produce what he wants when he wants it......

To our surprise the parts came in the day before but they hadn't had time to notify us they were in???????  "Dirty Buggers!"   is what I said to that!  lol

We got there close to noon and it was quiet around there..... The mechanic was kind enough to take all the ordered parts and replace them on the shafts we brought with.... for free......That would have been where Tom and I would have come to the end of our mechanic abilities (collectively)

When we arrived home I suggested to Tom that we collect our tools, nut & bolts and everything we need before we start putting it back together...... as I was saying this he was shoving it all back together as he remembered it went....... "I just want to see"......... is what he said as I turned and went into the house.

I gathered the tools as he pulled it apart and put it back together a few more times... each time remembering another  piece that needed to go on....I gave up and decided "what will be will be"......

I  watched him till he started asking for nuts and bolts..... I knew he had no clue which were which..... AND I knew he would have trouble with the brake apparatus....

So when the name calling started I said....."Tom.... this isn't a contest to see who is the smartest or who can remember the most... we both lose in those departments but if we work together we may be able to get this together with out help."

The rest went well and I even got a high 5 which he initiated.  Can I say "Happy" when it was making it's first trip up and down the drive.... He helped me clean up the mess even......

We went to have a cup of coffee in celebration.... as I poured our coffee I heard "OH SHIT"........ I turned around and in his hand was a spring that went on the end of the shaft...........

We put the spring in a safe place for another day.....

: (

We haven't seen the sun shine in awhile........ ALL I wanted to do is go mow lawn.  Exercise as I do the push mowing and there is a lot of it...... fresh air..... soaking the sun rays... one with nature..... let me out of this crazy house........ just me and my pigeon toed lawn mower.

I hadn't step foot out of the house yet and down the driveway came the county blade....... Tom was trailing behind on his 4-wheeler.........

OH DEAR!!!   What in the world is that boy up to now?????  After the blade left, Tom came in to tell me that the county got some money to use to improve the road as it is an access....... "boat landing"  at the bridge by our place.   They were trying to put a 4" lift on the 3 mile road....... Tom also had them put a load of gravel in our approach....... ??? I don't know how he does it.....

Okay.... that's all fine so now that meant Tom had something to do...... He would be dragging our driveway to get all the low spots filled in and what ever else he does to keep it in the great shape it's in...... "I'll be mowing lawn.... just me and my lawn mower...... one with nature.......

So Tom started dragging and I started mowing..... mmmm the smell of the fresh cut grass..... a slight cool breeze making it comfortable...... just me and my lawn mower........... one with nature.....

C Y N D I E !!!!!!!!!!  I turned to see Tom on foot...... "are you stuck?" I asked hoping it was that simple. "N O!  something broke!!!!!!!"   OH BOY..... there goes my plans for the day!  It's not good if he calls me anything but Mom......   Sometimes I get tired of hearing Mom..Mom...Mom... but right this minute I'd give anything to hear him say MOM.... (deep breath)

We towed the wheeler to the house with the van which he vowed NEVER to ride in ever again and "I mean it" he said the night before.  Before you know it I was under the 4 wheeler with him taking off parts looking for what was broke?????
My son had me take pictures as we dismantled it in case we couldn't get it back together......I was called a few other choice names as I forged my way past him to accomplish what he could not which then ended with "Ohhh"........ I like that the sound of that defeated exhaled Ohhh...... but soon his voice gained  volume....... Geeze... if I wasn't deaf I will be if he keeps that up.... or the guy is going to pop a cork!.

As the day drew to an end.. we had parts in the house that we suspect is the problem ......

I'm Mom once again and he sat at the kitchen table the rest of the night staring into space...... "what are you thinking about?" I so boldly ask.  "Do you think we can get it back together?"  he sounded worried.....  "Don't worry... I have a photo-grafic memory... "  I said totally teasing.  "Do you mean that Mom or are you teasing me?"..... he sounded serious........

Tom ended up with a headache from hell from the stress of the day and loosing his one link to the "feeling of freedom"....... freedom to come and go as he pleased..... up and down the county road ......

It finally let up by morning but his breathing has been strained all day..... "Your still having anxiety"......."yeah I am"........ "You feel like you lost your freedom... you have that trapped feeling"....  He looked at me shocked that I knew what he was feeling....."Yeah I do" ........he said.  "Hopefully we will have it running by the week end"....... "I hope so".... he answered with a deep sigh.......

ME TOO!

For Only A Moment.....

I am full of sadness.... I am sad because I miss Tom and I miss having any kind of life outside the world of "Alzheimers"

I get glimpses of the rest of the world by short phone calls...... but I can only listen... not touch or be apart of it.........Sometimes someone drops in briefly but it's all quickly swept away as they leave...... and the dust settles behind them......

The other day I seen a glimpse of  what use to be.... his face lit up and his eyes twinkled  as he watch me step out of the house and approach him..... "I still get excited when I see you... like the day we met..... it's never changed." .............. "What are you talking about?"  I asked as I wanted to hear it come from his lips as it's been so long since I've seen this look.

He was standing by a fire he built in the fire pit..... He had been there for hours..... He said it brought him back to the old days at the shack.....the radio blaring country music and the fire and him......

"Our song was just on"...... I looked at him as in what are you talking about.  "The Keeper Of The Stars"  he continued.  I may have Alzheimers but I'll never forget that nor when we first met.... You were so beautiful..... and you still are."

MOM....... the girls want out and can I have a cup of coffee!!!!!!!  I crawled across our BIG bed..... let the girls out and as I poured him a cup of coffee I looked out to the fire pit...... the embers were smoldering from the evening before......it was real... it wasn't a dream.... but in a way it was just a dream because now it is only a memory.
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6/12/10

If you know anything about Alzheimer's you know it is unpredictable ........ It's not always a down slide or plateau .... Sometimes it goes the other way for awhile... a day.... a week.... sometimes more......... or less......

I hope not to jinx it but Tom has been SHOCKING me lately with his "old self"  which is a very warm welcome as we could laugh together over nothing........

Don't get me wrong ..... it's a hit and miss thing BUT when it's a hit....... I soak up every second.  The funny part is he doesn't seem aware of it.... ??????  He just thinks he's in a good mood and having a good day.

I had to do some business in town... I left the dishes and a mess the girls had made from the night before.... I told him I'd clean it up when I got home...... I make all trips to town in the morning because he will most times sleep till I get back.

When I got home.... to my shocking surprise... he had washed the dishes and put them away (some not in the right places) and cleaned up the main two rooms in the house.....(the girls messes.... they had shredded rope and sticks .... boredom from rainy days.)

He use to clean house because he enjoyed it..... now leaves a trail......I told him the results of my trip to town and kept it simple and factual and darn it when he went to translate what I said to his sisters.... well let's just say... it was not what came from my mouth.  ha ha......

We played cribbage yesterday and I kicked his butt three times but he played well..... during the third game I could see confusion slightly creeping in and he said he didn't want to play any more.  I could see he was pleased he remembered the game.

His new saying as of late is "your funny"....... when he isn't sure what was said..... you can see it is his eyes....... and the words are said with a child's tone of voice.... nothing I have ever heard before..... It's cute!

Memorial Week-End

We had a really nice Memorial week end... Tom's (fraternal twin) Teddy came for a visit.... The two hadn't seen each other in years...... but talk almost daily for the past year or so......

It was great to see him though the time was short..... I'd like to see the two of them spend more time together before Tom slips much farther ........... Nobody realizes where Tom  really is in the progress of the disease nor do they fully understand  the effects of the disease as Tom covers the best he can.......

But it was good to see Teddy none the less..... and we pray for him to have a safe return trip ..........

I find it interesting being twins... how they are so different... little in common..... as they both walk to the beat of a different drummer....But the one thing they both share is HEART.........  They both have a 

"Golden Heart"........ God Bless them both. ♥

Note:  Tom's brother Teddy and his sister Ruby June & husband surprised Tom with a brand spanking new riding lawn mower.  We call her "Big Red"