Remembering when.......

AFTER I helped Tom clean up his mess from skinning the beaver he sat down at his table with a cup of coffee.  I notice Maggie was laying beside him........

"What are you doing?"  I asked.  "Oh just thinking back to when I use to trap and skin these things like nothing."  he replied.  "I bet you didn't have a cool table like this one?" trying to encourage him to talk about the good old days. 

He looked at me and laughed...."to tell you the truth I did most of it right on the ground....They were to heavy to carry them out when you got a bunch and your walking miles wearing snow shoes."  I laughed with him and said, "bet you had some major fleshing to do after that!  "YEAH that's for sure"  he said letting out a deep breath.

"Heck I remember when me and Larry T____r  would put two in our back packs and tied the rest to a pole we had on our shoulders.......I sure couldn't do that now!"  ...........And than he was gone again in his own little world of "back in the day"

Oh the stories in that guy are endless and fun to listen too.  I use the word "stories" as it's truth, mixed with exaggeration and confabulation but all of it so real to him ....just the way he tells it.  And you can see in his eyes he is reliving the moments as he speaks.  I wish there was a way to capture those stories with him as the teller with the same passion he tells them to me.

OH DEAR!!!! I just had a really scary thought!!!!!!!  What if he wants to leave the table in my laundry room?  ARG!...... I need to go think on that one.  Redirect!  ha ha

GUSTO?

Last trapping season I dropped Tom off at "Jim's," the old guy that traps big and skins Tom's beaver. Tom watched him skin and stretch them to re-learn how to do it....I thought of it as a refresher course. He use to be an old pro himself back in the day.........

When I picked Tom up that day he said he wished I was there to see how he did it and how fast and efficient he was. He also talked about the knives he used....Need those knives...but after I priced them..... probably not!

Trapping didn't go well for Tom last year so the few beaver Tom got went to Jim.
Jim said he'd take them this year too as he knows Tom has Alz. *sigh**** (Umm that was a sigh of relief from me)

So when we dropped Tom's two beaver off I had the pleasure of watching Ol' Pro Jim skin a beaver.....Tom was amazed like it was the first time he seen it? I took mental notes as I knew what was coming next. YEP...Tom"me" wants to skin a beaver. AND he got one yesterday! : 0

Well Tom thinks nothing of taking things to the kitchen table and since his reasoner is broke he sees NOTHING wrong with it....... I on the other hand have learned not to argue BUT to redirect.

SO while he went back out to check the rest of his traps, I was building him a table to put in his shack to skin the beaver on. I had to tear the picnic table apart for wood...."DESPERATE"? Yes and the word"PANIC" also comes to mind.He was so happy when he seen the table I made just for him, I helped him move junk out of the shack to make room and told him he can use the newly filled prone tank off the grill for his heater.

TO BE CONTINUED....................

SO this morning Tom added braces to the table.... to sturdy it up! THAN........"I think I'll do it in here instead of the shack"...... he said looking at me for a reaction. I said " OH! o k a y"..... MY mind is scrambling to figure out WHY he wants to do it in the house and not in his ever too cool shack.....

"Is that okay?" he asks, but isn't really asking, but telling me his plan. "Sure honey..what ever you want to do!" I replied in a chipper voice. AND SO HE DID.

I figured out later that his heater is in the deer stand and deer hunting is next week end and to him the ordeal of moving the heater from the stand to the shack was way too much rig-a-ma-row for just one beaver.


Besides he HAS done it on the kitchen table before and NOW he will be doing it in the laundry room on his OWN table.
SOMETIMES I only win half the battle......This is one of those times..... AND I LAUGHED!!!!!!!!!

Tom managed to separate the hide from the carcass. I directed him some and held the beaver down....... I could feel his frustration when he'd cut through.....and he kept saying that he use to be able to do this with out so much trouble... I said we both use to be able to do things that we can't do as well now.
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For the past month Tom has read, looked at pictures of sets, talked to people etc. and practiced at home. Oh yes, bought "LURE." The best is called "GUSTO" I have to have gusto...it's the real deal...everybody uses it and that's all they talk about on TV and they even talk about it in the trapping magazine.... "I really NEED it!" He says enthusiastically, trying to sell me on it so I'll go get him some.

When I went to buy it the sales clerk said "I have to go outside and get it and I'll leave it on the trash can outside the door."

While he was gone I was thinking..... "WHAT IS THIS STUFF?????"

He came back in and I paid for it. Not expensive? "So what's with this stuff? Does it smell that bad?" I ask. " I don't mind it but it bothers some people" he replied.

Okay... this guy isn't talking and now I am really curious.... He gave me a small paper bag for the bottle of gusto. I went outside and on the trash can was a small glass bottle of "something" How can something smell through glass?

I got the answer when I got in the van and started to drive away..... "I SMELLED "SKUNK"

Trapping Season Has Begun

Trapping officially opened Saturday morning..... Tom was waiting for the frost to clear but it wasn't happening so he went out to place his traps. He was so excited waiting for this day.....

He'd been practicing, trying different ways to set up his traps on the poles he cut..... He worked in a quiet room all by himself for hours...When he emerged he was happy with what he came up with. This is something he use to do without much thought, NOW it takes agonizing time to figure it out....I'm proud that he doesn't give up...it would be so easy to do...instead he persists.....and I encourage him to do so.

He came home COLD......but said he set all 12 of his beaver traps and 2 mink
traps....

"Ya! and I was rushing to get home because you said you were going to call in law enforcement to look for me if I wasn't home by dark and that's all I could think of....." He said with a boy like attitude. It was 4 pm..... "oh my!" I thought. "it's not dark for another couple of hours"

He didn't hear that...He just said not to call anyone unless he's not back by 6-7 o'clock...... I just replied with "Okay!"

Than he had a funny story....... No it's not the one where he is setting a trap and a beaver is watching him.... This one is about him concentrating on setting a trap and than from behind him someone said ((((HEY)))))

"I must have jumped ten feet! He scared the H**L out of me. Good thing I had just let go of the trap or my hand would have been in it" He said quite seriously.....I said " oh that would have been bad." He said "YA! That's what I told the guy!"

I asked what he said to the guy.... He replied chuckling "I said who are you? and he said who are You?......ha ha

Ended up being someone from out of town staying at a shack and was bird hunting....... "But he sure scared me.... He probably walked away laughing his ass off at how bad he scared me....."

SO this morning he went to check his traps and came home with two beaver, one mink and one partridge. The girls are inspecting his catch!

He was so happy with the mink...."Gosh it has to have been a good 25 years since I trapped a mink" The sparkle in his eyes said the rest.

The good news for me is...The guy who took Tom's beaver and skun them last year is willing to take them again this year. Once again, I luck out : )

Better Days

Tom and I spent most of a day getting things put away and ready for winter. I think this was the smoothest it's ever gone. Except when I tripped over a stump, while carrying one end of the boat, walking backwards. I went down, with the boat landing on my shin..... "OUCH"

As I sat on the ground with Tom looking concerned, I cracked jokes till I could stand up and do a little jig to show him I was fine!....... He said, "doesn't that hurt?" I said, "not at all" He said "your so full of it" ha ha........ So I dragged my leg when I walked and he laughed and said..."knock it off"

I notice Tom always asks my opinion on things now and gets mad if I say what ever you think is fine with me. That was an answer I used so Tom felt he had control over things in his life. But now he is getting where he doesn't know what to do and needs me to tell him...But I still respond in a way that the final decision is his to make.

Tom has also been doing things that he is not at all aware of....... way more often than before. When they are funny I tell him and we laugh together. Sometimes he'll say that's not funny. That's scary. I say no it's funny because it's going to happen, you have no control over it, that's what this disease does and that's why you have me to take care of you. BESIDES... I do stupid stuff and I don't have any excuse and we laugh at that............SO that makes it funny............

Tom has seen a lot of birds this year and has enjoyed hunting. I notice he looses interest in things a lot faster now. He is ready to quit bird hunting already and start focusing on trapping which opens soon.

We have gone on a few more road trips. The last trip we put on 60 miles in 10 hours....... Can I say "L O N G D A Y" We brought lot's of coffee and a lunch. And we let the girls do a lot of running so it was actually a fun day for all of us.

We seen a lot of birds but only shot 5. They were all really flighty....

MY MISTAKE!

I made a BIG mistake first thing upon Tom getting up for the day on Wednesday and WE paid for it ALL day! This is a good example of how the AD brain works or I should say DOESN'T work.

Tom has been obsessing about getting straw for winterizing. As he watches the weather every night he seen snow and cold temps in our forecast. So to keep his anxiety level low I made arrangements with our daughter to get some straw ASAP!

We made arrangements the night before and mistake #1 was including Tom in the plan. I did that because he wants to go road hunting EVERYDAY and we had to work around Sanj's work schedule. #2 was we needed to move some HEAVY summer things and TOM doesn't get it that I'm not 30 any more. BUT when he decides it's time to do this I am delegated.

SO I was trying to be one step ahead knowing it was coming with the straw and lined up help for that too. TOM didn't know that part as he would object.

MY BIG MISTAKE? Well Sanj called as we were waiting for her soon arrival. She asked if it was possible for us to wait till later when her boy friend Calvin got off work and he would help with all the above. I said sure because than we could go road hunt and that would make Tom happy.

NOT....... HE can't switch gears. That part of the brain is burnt out. I knew that BUT I was thinking with my normal brain which is ALWAYS a mistake. It's hard to live in his world as his brain function deteriorates but I have to function for US in the real world.

He agreed to go hunting but I heard that funny breathing he does when he is stressed as we were pulling out of the drive way. OH POOHY! I knew we were in for a bad day and why. And poor Tom was clueless. He just knew he was upset and was trying to get a handle on it but couldn't.

It was a long day with him being sarcastic and crabby one minute and than seemingly like he was getting over it and was his old self and than bam.. It was like TWO different personalities popping in and out all day. IT SUCKED!

Even Lilly tried to snap him out of it but that was short lived too. The girls are aware and sensitive to the his changes and moods. They are a blessing to us and help me with him more than anyone will ever know.

When we got home late afternoon and NO BIRDS : ( I started super and he rolled cigarettes and watched baseball. I brought him coffee like nothing was wrong. Than after about a half hour he said he didn't know what was wrong with him and he was having a bad day and he had been trying to snap out of it all day and not be crabby but he said he would no more than be okay and bam those bad feeling would hit him again. (The bad feelings are him feeling mad and if he didn't fight it, it can turn to rage.) He kept saying he was sorry!

We got through super and getting the hay and moving "some" heavy things with the arranged help. It was on again, off again with the mood thing. When they left so did his anger. He was fine the rest of the evening ..........?

It helps me a lot to have people around me who seem to "get" the disease and it's effects. A phone call to one of these people = help. Tom can hide his deficits as "they" (people with AD) all can even in later stages to fool others that there is nothing wrong. But Tom let's his guard down around a few he loves and trusts so that's why I have the help I need. They see it!


The Upside of the day? The drive is beautiful.........

Bird Hunting Everyday!

Tom's been bird hunting every day till the weather turned to crap...... He was bringing home birds here and there so we have been able to enjoy a few meals and share with family too.

So Monday morning he got up early and went out as it wasn't raining.....A while later he was back cold, wet and empty handed...He said "let's go road hunting! Do you want to go?" " Of coarse I want to go!!!!!"

The last time he asked me this question and I had other plans for the day, he got upset. OKAY he was a little more than upset.... He was REALLY UPSET.....SO what ever I had to do could wait as the world evolves around those who have this disease.......Once again I am not alone and if their requests are do-able and not unreasonable, it's what you do. AND his request was both.

It turned out to be a fun day.... The road was in good shape (no pot holes or big deep mud holes) the trees were in full fall color and the reds were brilliant and of coarse I left my camera home.

Tom was having a good day. We stopped and let the girls run a few different times. Tom brought five shells and shot five birds and we seen a few more on the way out of the woods.

I got an "A" in driving and a "+" for spotting a bird in a tree. He said I was amazing! I told him I was ALWAYS amazing, he was just having a good day could see for a change just how amazing I am! He agreed. : )

When we got home Tom and Mag went to check the beaver pond behind the house for ducks while I whipped up super. They came home ecstatic! He shot two ducks and Mag followed his orders to find them behind the beaver dam. That's amazing because she has had no training. She is just that smart and just understands what we say.

His emotions were over flowing and he was feeling the love... Mag got all kinds of extra treats and kisses and hugs......AND she was soaking it all up.

KEEPING BUSY!

When our car bit the dust , we were given a van by a family member.... Soon after we got the van, by word of mouth, the car was sold.

We were in NEED of a snow blower but didn't get near enough out of the car to buy one......... But a few days later I got a call from a man saying he heard we were looking and he was selling a LIKE NEW snow blower..... AND the price was right.

THAN there was the tricky part of me looking at and getting it with out Tom's knowledge because at this point Tom makes things way more complicated than they really are because his executive function is severely damaged..... and then there is the stress and decline, followed by a melt down..... sigh! HIS not mine...not yet...that will come later...ha ha J/K

SO I sent Tom hunting, called #2 daughter "Sanj", she happened to be out and about and in the vicinity of..... She looked at it with me on the phone, we decide it's a deal, she barrows a pick up, gets the snow blower loaded, all in less than an hours time and is on the way out here with it when Tom comes home from hunting. (no birds - just cold)

He says "well, should we go look at the snow blower?" I said "in a bit...I'm waiting for a phone call! #1 daughter "Lisa" is in labor with her first baby." She lives 6 hours from us.......

So while we sat there I see Sanj driving in with the snow blower on the back of a truck.... The dogs start barking and Tom says..."WHO'S HERE?" I said..."It's just Sanj with your new snow blower!" "OH for heavens sake! You tricked me!" he said grinning.

He totally loved the snow blower, so while he played with that, Sanj made arrangements to go to be with her sister as she doesn't have to work till Friday night........

AND no.... I won't be able to go and see my new grand baby as I can not leave Tom home alone and no he would not be accepting of someone staying with him....... I am not in a unique situation..... there are thousands of us out here all in the same boat or worse..... That's why I say this disease effects so many lives......

THIS all took place on Wednesday A.M. Sanj made arrangements for her boys, packed and flew out early evening to be with Lisa and her husband Lester.

This morning no baby yet so Tom went to see if he could find a bird......... A short time later I look out the window to see what the girls are barking at and it's Tom followed by this "big ditch mowing machine".......
NOW what the heck is TOM up too?????

After a bit I finally figured out that the guy was a county worker who was mowing the county ditches and TOM was asking him about the county plowing us out this winter....... BECAUSE the 4-wheeler and plow just won't be able to do it another year nor do I think Tom has it in him to do it this year.

The county will plow you when they plow the county road if you let them know ........ You just pay a small fee each time.... SO WORTH IT! We have a quarter mile drive way.... And than the snow blower for up and around the house..... WHICH I can easily do if Tom isn't up to it.

SO did Lisa have her baby? Yes! A beautiful 7lb 15oz baby boy. 20 1/2" long at 12:45 this afternoon.......He doesn't have a name yet......BUT everyone is doing fine!